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The Ultimate Guide to Sexting
Everyone does it; everyone loves it. And if you say that you don't know sext then you're a liar, sir!
Sexting existed even before phones! As soon as pagers were invented, dirty messages were flying back and forth between horny professionals. But how does one master sexting?
There are definitely some unspoken rules surrounding sexting that are often broken. But fear not fellow horn-dog! I'm here to break the silence on the rules and etiquette surrounding sexting. I've been sending dirty sexts since I got my hands on my first cell phone: a virtually indestructible silver Nokia flip phone.
If you've ever wondered why you're not getting responses or why people block your number, I'll help you get out of that sexting-rut.
Here's the ultimate guide to sending absolutely salacious sexts. Read on to discover the 4 W's of Sexting!
WHY you should sext
Contrary to what your high school teachers probably told you, sexting is a healthy way to express your sexuality… so long as you're of age!
Technology has completely saturated our society, including our sex lives. And why should we push back against that? I'm all for spending less time with screens, but when it comes to sexuality and technology, I don't see why we shouldn't use our screens to our advantage.
I'm of the opinion that expressing your sexuality in any way — as long as you're not hurting yourself or others — is a positive thing! So when it comes to sexting, I say go for it! It's a great way to stay connected to your partner, get some sexual tension going early in the day before you see your lover, or release some tension all together.
Sex and technology naturally intersect, so I say exploit that!
It's not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up; the same thing goes for sexual energy. It's unhealthy to keep from pleasing yourself, and it's unhealthy to go without expressing your sexual feelings for other consenting adults.
So don't feel like you're committing some dirty technological sin when you're sexting. As long as your sexting responsibly (more on that later), you should keep on sexting!
It'll save your long distance relationship
Long distance is a total bitch. Whether you've just moved away from your partner or have decided to commit to a long distance relationship, sexting should become a staple in your relationship.
Intimacy is extremely important for maintaining a connection. And while you can't be together physically, you can get some digital intimacy via sexting until you can actually see one another in person.
For a lot of people, long distance is a deal breaker. It's hard being away from someone both emotionally and physically. Whether we want to admit it or not, we need sex. Our bodies crave sex. I don't care how enlightened you think yourself to be; you need to bone every once in a while! Going without sex with your partner is one of the biggest reasons why long distance relationships fail. People grow sad and restless without having sex with their lover who sometimes leads to cheating… which usually leads to break ups. Why shouldn't you use technology to try to get as close to sex as you can with your partner?
Technology makes the world feel smaller. So distance will feel a little less painful if you sext.
There are also plenty of masturbatory implements that you connect via Bluetooth to help you and your partner feel even closer! Vibrators like these We-Vibes connect wirelessly and vibrate at similar speeds, so you can feel like your masturbating together while you're apart! The magic of technology, am I right?
Before there was the internet and long before phones or pagers were a thing, people were still trying to sext via letters. Yes, I shit you not… sexting predates phones. There have been plenty of salacious letters found by historians that contain lude language, and bodily fluid spewed onto the pages…, so humans have always been looking for ways to get off! It's not anything new to want to get it on even when you're not physically with someone.
When it comes down to it, we're animals. So, of course, we want to have sex. And since we're intelligent animals, we're going to use anything at our disposal to have sex.
Any new technology is usually immediately adopted by the world of porn and sex. Think about it; it didn't take very long for VR technology to be immediately adopted by porn. Who needs immersive video games when you can have immersive porn?
Technology and sex go hand-in-hand.
However, people love to whine about nothing is sacred anymore. Gen-X specifically, loves to bitch about how kids never go outside anymore or how nothing is pure because technology has "invaded" every part of our life. I say, who cares!? Technology is allowing people to connect on different levels that weren't possible before. Most relationships start online, so why shouldn't our hook ups be digital too?
Sexting is convenient, fun, and there's no chance of STD's (just make sure your computer or doesn't get a virus and don't click on any suspicious links, haha).
WHO you should sext
Your significant other
Obviously, you should sext your partner! Even if you're not in a long distance relationship, sometimes being in separate places in town is long distance enough. Or if they go on a trip, you should definitely remind them what's waiting for them when they get back!
Sexting your partner is a great way of staying connected during busy weeks or to build sexual tension before getting home in the evening.
Before a date night or a romp in the sheets, you should set the tone for the night early in the day with a few sexy texts. You can decide how intense you want to get depending on how coy or slutty you want to come across. If you're trying to play innocent, send a few slightly suggestive texts and play like you have no idea what you're doing. On the other hand, if you're looking to get nasty later, you should set the slutty tone earlier by telling your partner exactly what you're going to do to them later.
Regardless of how far apart you are, sexting is something that will keep your relationship flirty and sexy as you tack months — even years — on to your relationship.
Use your phone to your advantage. Instead of scrolling mindlessly down Instagram, send your lover a cheeky text and see how excited they are to see you later!
Plus, if you're bored with your sex life sexting can open some doors! Tell your lover about your fantasies while they're out and about. Come up with sexy scenarios to act out later when you're together. It can be easier to talk about your fantasies over text if you're shy!
Other people who've made it clear that they want sexts from you
Okay, so I know I've talked a lot about sexting and relationships… but let's be real, the majority of sexting probably happens between single people!
The biggest mistake that people make when sexting, is that they're not sexting someone who is 100% on board with the idea. Sure, you might think think that girl was flirting with you or you thought that scandalous subtweet was directed at you, but you could be very wrong! And there is nothing worse than sexting someone who doesn't want to be sexted by you. You end up embarrassed, and they end up feeling uncomfortable or violated at the very worse.
You have to make sure that you're sexting a willing participant or you could end up blocked and reported.
So, make sure that the girl that you've been flirting with has been actually flirting back. Make sure that girl who slid in your DM's doesn't just want to be friends. Do this by straight up asking or by testing the waters with slightly sexy texts. If she responds with something equally or more salacious, then you're in the clear! If not, then apologize and find a new person to text.
It's not hard to find people on the internet who are willing to text over apps like Kik or instant messager. You just need to find the right message boards. Just be careful, because the internet is swarming with catfish. The last thing you want is to find that the babe you've been sexting is a 60-year-old man. And do yourself a favor and don't be the catfish. That's some seriously bad karma, and the last thing you want is Nev and Max knocking on your door.
WHAT you should send
Sexy texts… duh
Sext is literally short for sexy text… so obviously you should be sending texts containing dirty words. Here's where a lot of people go wrong though: they get lazy.
If you're looking to lay on your back and read something dirty without having to respond, you should be reading 50 Shades. Seriously though, it's not fair for your partner to be writing you a dirty novel in real time, while you say nothing in response. That's just poor manners! Your partner wants to get off too, so make sure that you're getting them off by responding with some stimulating material. And no, "oohs" and "aahs" and "that's hots" aren't going to cut it. You should be responding with something of substance! That's not fair! These are my least favorite sexters, the lazy ones.
So don't get lazy! Contribute to the scenario your partner is setting up for you! I know it's hard sending fully thought out messages while all your brain blood is elsewhere, but you need to try. Words can be really sexy if you do it right.
Okay, so you don't know what to say. Maybe you're the sexy silent type. Maybe you're shy. Maybe you're better at showing rather than telling. Well, get creative. I'm sure that there is a fantasy you're dying to live out… so describe that. Does your partner really like when you do a certain position? Tell them you're thinking about doing them doggy or cowgirl or whatever. Tell them how much you'd rather be fucking them in the car rather than being stuck in traffic. Tell them what you're going to do to them when you get home. Or rather, tell them how you want them when you do come home.
Let your filthy imagination run wild. I'm sure you can come up with something that will get their blood pumping, it's just a matter of tapping into your dirties urges.
And to continue on the "getting lazy" tangent… maybe you're not the lazy one, maybe the lazy one in the situation is your partner. In that case, call them out! Tell them to respond with something worth while or they're not going to get any more sexy texts. If you're sexting a stranger from the internet or from Tinder, kick them to the curb and find someone else. You're worth more than someone who can't be bothered to sext and sends you to bullshit like "haha, then what?" because they can't be bothered to text with two hands for more than two seconds.
Sexy pics… because visual aids are helpful
Who said that sexting had to be an illustrated novel? I am of the belief that if you feel comfy with sending nudes along with your sexy texts, then you definitely should!
Even if you don't send full body nudes or pics of your face, any visual aids are probably appreciated.
If you're sexting women, then you should be more word-heavy than anything else. Women love erotica. We single handily keep the trashy romance novel business alive. So, if you're trying to get a woman off, send her a heavy word to photo ratio. If you think about it, women can get off to an entire romance novel with only the cover for a visual. So, keep that in mind when you're sexting.
If your target audience is male, do the opposite. Men are visual creatures. They single handily keep the porn industry up and running, so why not send him centerfolds of you!? You should be sending more pics than words with a guy. However, you don't always have to follow this formula!
Your lover might express that they want something different or is okay with words alone.
Vidoes! (make your own mini porn)
Okay, so no one is ever without a phone. This basically means that no one is ever without a camera or a camcorder either! So, why should your photos remain still?
You should definitely be shooting short videos to send along with your sexts, especially if you're on Snapchat. Snapchat makes it way too easy to not send pictures!
Using videos is a great way to build the tension if you're at home masturbating while sexting. You can use videos to let your partner know exactly what you're doing while you're messaging them. You're basically sending them porn in real time! Send them a video of you feeling yourself up along with a message about how you're thinking about them naked or thinking about the last time you slept together.
As your messages get hotter, so should the videos you send! Your videos should build like sex would build in real life: foreplay, oral, and then straight up fucking.
Keeping this in mind, you should pair videos of you getting more and more undressed with messages describing sexier things. Keep things linear; you don't want to send a message describing something soft and sensual while you're going ham on yourself in a video. This will allow for a total mental and visual experience. If the visuals and the messages line up, it's more immersive, and it will feel less like impersonal sexting and more like you're actually in the room with the other person.
When you're finished with masturbating, make sure you send a video or at least a photo documenting the aftermath. Nothing is sexier than seeing the fruits of your labor.
WHERE you should sext
In the privacy of your own home
Sexting in the privacy of your own home, in my opinion, is paramount. It's really nice to be able to set yourself up with everything you need to comfortably masturbate and go to town on yourself. This way you have the freedom to do whatever you want and take all the time you need.
I encourage you to straight up clear your afternoon and settle in for a long evening of sexting and masturbation. You're not going to want interruptions when you're sexting so put a sock on your doorknob while you're at it to ward off any roommates that might intrude.
Sexting, especially if you're in a long distance relationship, should be something you dedicate your time to. I guarantee your partner will notice if you're multitasking. And if they're smart they'll call you out on it. So get all your responsibilities out of the way so you can focus all of your attention on the task at hand: getting off and getting your partner off at a distance.
At work... if you're feeling dangerous
While, I think that you should definitely isolate yourself while you're sexting with your partner — especially if you're in a long distance relationship — there's nothing wrong with flirting throughout your day. If you're at work and feel like you need something to take your mind off of things, there's nothing wrong with sending some covert sexts.
Just make sure you don't get caught, because it could be a huge HR issue if you're caught sexting at work. It could even be a fireable offense, so if you're going to sext make sure you're not on a company phone or sexting on your laptop.
But if you are going to sext at work, you should tell your partner how much you miss them or how much you'd rather be fucking them at your desk rather than working on it.
It also could be really sexy to send some dirty pics while you're in the bathroom. If you're rocking a semi-chub at work, why not take a shot of it while you're at work and send it off? (Just make sure you delete it off your phone after! You don't want to get caught with work-nudes on your phone!) Send a pic of your cleavage to your lover while you're in your work clothes. Maybe it'll spark a sexy secretary fantasy that you can play out later (roleplaying is awesome!).
A note on privacy
When you're sexting — especially if you're sending pics — make sure you're sexting someone you trust. There
has been a lot of
revenge porn scandals lately, and the last thing you want is to be a victim of this terrible crime. Revenge porn
— while it's now illegal in a lot of states — can still do damage to your mental health and reputation.
So I encourage you to make sure you're sending nudes and sexts to someone with a moral compass or someone you trust. If you feel you can't trust them all the way, leave your face and other identifying markers out of your pics. And if someone ever posts your pictures without your permission, it's illegal! So call the cops!