When you think of sexy text messages, what comes to mind?
Is it deep, romantic proclamations of love that'll sweep a girl off her feet? Is it the kind of cringy, awkward sexts that you love to hate every time a celebrity like Tiger Woods gets caught in a scandal?
These are beautiful and hilarious, respectively, but they don't represent the majority of sexting. Media representations of sexting are like porn: they're scripted and only really get attention when they're extreme.
The real deal is often stranger than fiction. Here are some hilarious sexts (and sexting fails) that show you what real people sexting looks like.
Part of the fun of sexting is that you can introduce a little sexual tension at any time during your partner's boring day.
Who doesn't love getting a fun message in the middle of a dull meeting or while slogging away on the treadmill?
The only downside: if your partner isn't already primed for sexy texts, they might miss the mark entirely. It's particularly dangerous if this is the first time you've tried sexting them.
If you're the one who applied a G-rated interpretation to an R-rated text, don't feel too bad--it happens to the best of us. Do your best to laugh it off and get back to the good stuff (but expect some gentle teasing from your partner later).
On the opposite end of the spectrum, sometimes your partner is sharp enough that you can open your sexting conversation with the most obscure historical joke imaginable.
A sextant is a navigation tool from the eighteenth century whose name is on par with "flying buttresses" for making kids laugh in seventh grade history class.
Like all the best sexting jokes, this one is funny on its own, but it opens the door for some top-notch sexting fun, especially if you and your partner are into historical role-play.
Since everyone and their mother has heard of the musical Hamilton by now, why not use your academic punmanship to start a dialogue as Alexander Hamilton writing a sexy letter to Eliza?
You're sure to make it into the room where it happens.
Maybe this geographically-challenged person could use a sextant to help them find their way?
Whether an "Australian kiss" is a real thing or something this person pulled out of their ass, it's a great phrase.
Damn near every girl is looking for someone to put their lips against her "lips," if you know what I mean, but few are courageous enough to ask for it outright.
The beauty of sexting is that it brings even the shyest ladies out of their shells and gets them thinking about all the dirty things they want you to do with them.
And the magic works both ways: you can bring up a topic you're nervous about over text and see what your girl thinks. If she's not into it, no harm, no foul.
But if she's picking up what you're putting down and wanting more, well, I guess you know what you'll be doing the next time you see her.
While popular media might have you convinced that nerds never get laid, sometimes nerdy talk and sexy talk can overlap in the greatest ways.
A geeky girl might be the girl of your dreams, whether it's because late bloomers make better lovers or because she isn't weirded out by the life-size Darth Vader helmet in your bedroom.
In fact, offering to show a girl your Star Trek merch might get her engines going at light speed faster than even Scotty could.
Who knows? Maybe offering to DM a game of Dungeons and Dragons for her and her friends might land you in a position where she's calling you "master" in an entirely different context.
That being said, nerdiness isn't always the best route to undoing someone's belt (or suspenders, if they're really embracing the Urkel fashion).
But pop culture references can get a good giggle out of your sexting partner, which helps relieve tension and any nerves you have about whether you're doing it right.
A word to the wise, though: maybe choose a character who's a bit more of a dreamboat than Steve Urkel. I've yet to see Jaleel White on People's Sexiest Man Alive list.
But tossing in a well-placed photo of your girlfriend's latest MCM might just send her over the edge. Just try not to get too jealous--fantasies are great, but she's got the real thing with you.
Playing hard-to-get. It's a classic game that, just like any high-stakes poker match, has room for risk and reward.
On the one hand, if you push it too far, the other person might decide you're trolling them or playing games. That's an instant recipe for ending a conversation.
On the other, some people love players (and, like Taylor says, some love the game). If you put out just the right balance of hard-to-get, you'll be seen as a challenge.
And who doesn't love a challenge?
Don't give your partner everything they're looking for the first time they ask. Make them work for what they want. It'll make the reward that much sweeter for both of you.
I tried to get my girl off with ten different puns once. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
(I'm sorry, I'll see myself out)
Really, though, a witty pun shows her that you're thinking with more than just your downstairs brain.
Plus, it's a fun way to break the ice if you're talking to a new girl or if this is your first time experimenting with sexting.
Stay away from the overdone pickup lines that everyone's heard, though. Get creative with it, even if it means you have to take a risk.
At worst, if the joke goes awry, you can apologize and come off as a humble guy who's trying really hard to impress a pretty girl. And that's a fantasy for more girls than you might think.