Never Make These 7 Sexting Pics Mistakes

People have been taking and sharing naughty pictures of themselves since the advent of the camera. Even the notoriously prudish Queen Victoria commissioned a risqué portrait of herself to give to Prince Albert.

Yep, it's a basic human urge to send other people intimate photos. And in the digital age, it's easier than ever to have hot virtual sex with pictures flying every which way.

But every day, clueless guys cockblock themselves by messing up on the basic principles of sexting. If you've tried sending dick pics and gotten no response, you're probably one of them.

Never fear: we've got the classic mistakes you're probably making. Armed with this information, you can make sure that your next dick pic gets exactly the response you're looking for--a reciprocal picture.

Sending it to the wrong person

It's one of the easiest mistakes to make, especially if your girlfriend Molly's name is right next to "Mom" in your contacts. It's also one of the worst.

Everyone's had the embarrassing moment of sending an innocuous text to the wrong person--even celebrities like Serena Williams, whose pregnancy announcement was supposed to be a private photo.

But do you know what's worse than texting "love u 💋" to your electrician? Texting a picture of your junk to someone who shouldn't be seeing it, like your boss, your coworker, or your grandma.

This goes double if you have any children in your contacts list. Your sister may be cool with you texting your nephew about Minecraft and Pokemon, but sending little Gary a picture that was supposed to go to "Gina from Tinder" is going to make the next family gathering really awkward.

The solution? Double-check the intended recipient before sending anything adult-themed. And, if you're a butterfingers who hits the wrong name frequently, consider changing some of your contacts' names in your phone to reduce the risk.

There's no harm in calling your dad "Father" in your contacts list if you need to keep his number away from "Dani--hot blonde from bar."

Life hack: if you really want to keep a special someone's name separate from your other contacts, put an uncommon character in front of their name, like a numeral or a Q. It'll put them in their own category when the list is alphabetized,

Attaching the wrong file

Sending an email with the wrong attachment is a universal struggle, and it can have serious consequences. A scandal broke out in Leicester in the UK last year when the city council accidentally sent a list of confidential information into the wrong hands.

But even if you don't run a large city or a major corporation, there are still high stakes when it comes to attaching a file. In the case of sexting, you run the risk of ruining the mood or shutting down a great sexting conversation by sending the wrong picture.

You're in the middle of a sexy conversation, you try to click on the hot photo you just took, but your finger slips, and your caption "Do you want this inside you?" ends up paired with a picture of your rottweiler licking his crotch.

Eeesh. If you don't have lightning-fast fingers to correct that mistake, your girl is going to think you're asking her to get into some bizarre shit.

And if this isn't a serious relationship, like if this is a girl you're just chatting with on Tinder, this could be enough to get her to delete your number or unmatch you.

Or worse, she could be really into whatever weird implication you accidentally made, and now you've opened a can of worms that you are not prepared to handle.

Sexting is exciting, and you may be eager to get messages and pictures out as fast as possible, but take the time to ensure you're sending the right photo. It's five seconds that will save you hours of trouble.

Just like woodworkers say: measure twice, hit send once.

Showing your face

If you don't think that your nudes could get out into the great wide world, think about all the celebrities whose nudes were leaked in the 2014 iCloud leak. Those multimillionaires can afford to spend way more on internet security than you can, and even they're not invulnerable.

So anytime you're taking a potentially compromising photo, the safest approach is to cover your ass in case the photo ever ends up somewhere you didn't intend it to go.

You'll want to avoid identifying features, like your face, distinctive scars, or tattoos. As long as your unique features are out of the frame, you have plausible deniability if anyone were to call you out about it.

If the photo is just of an anonymous dick, it will blend into the background of the endless vortex of dirty pictures that is the internet.

This also includes identifying information that's not on your body, like things in the background or reflective surfaces. Make sure that your mail, ID, and anything else that could trace back to you is far away from the frame.

Saving photos to the cloud

Technology is amazing. With a wave of your hand, you can back up all of your photos online, so you'll never lose them to a tech failure or a natural disaster.

But there's a hidden danger in setting your phone to save your photos to the cloud automatically: the more places your photos are saved, the greater the chance that someone else will see them.

Picture this: your mom innocently picks up your tablet to look at those neat pictures of your vacation again. She's swiping through, enjoying the sights of Disneyland when she goes one photo too far and sees a different kind of Matterhorn.

Or, maybe more terrifying, there's a chance a total stranger could get access to your photos through a leak or hack of the cloud server.

Plus, every day, more news comes out about just how much of your personal information goes back to Apple, Google, and other tech companies through the high-tech surveillance device you carry in your pocket. Do you really trust Apple not to spy on your personal photos?

Before starting your sexting photo shoot, go into your settings and make sure that your photos aren't being automatically saved to the cloud. You can find directions for iPhones here. Google Photos is an opt-in service, but you can check whether it's turned on or off here.

All this security might seem like overkill, and for 99% of people, it probably is. But do you want to take that risk when your dignity is on the line? Seems like you've got a lot to lose.

Sending the first photo you take

Look at every magazine cover in the checkout line at the grocery store. Do you think those flawless photos of celebrities came from a photographer who took one shot and announced "That's a wrap?"

The point of a photo shoot is that, out of the dozens or hundreds of shots the photographer takes, one or two of them will be of high-enough quality to fit on a magazine cover.

And that's a professional photographer, with a full team of lighting and effects experts supporting them. You are one amateur with an iPhone camera.

So learn from the pros, and have a mini photo shoot to perfect your dick pics. Take a bunch, from different angles and with different lighting. Compare your photos, ranking them tournament-style until you've found the best dick pic to send.

If you want to take your skills up a notch, look up some tips and tricks for taking better photos with your phone. There are dozens of blog posts from amateur photographers sharing their secrets.

Rocking the full bush


The word strikes fear into the heart of even the bravest dudes. Not only is there the obvious danger of wielding an incredibly sharp weapon near your most sensitive parts, but many guys feel insecure about their masculinity when it comes to personal grooming.

Remember when "metrosexual" was a thing, and people thought it was gay to care about your appearance? 2004 was a weird time for us all.

Thankfully, fifteen years later, we've gotten past all that. Every man's man in 2019 embraces the tools he can use to make himself more attractive, and his investments are rewarded in the form of women falling at his feet.

But why is manscaping in particular so important for sexting? It all has to do with a principle that comes from landscaping: managing the size of shrubbery makes the whole property look bigger and more impressive.

Especially when you're working in a purely visual medium like sexting, you need to do everything you can to make your member look memorable.

You can decide exactly how much to take off and how much to leave, but at the very least, clean up your downstairs so that you're not going au naturel.

Not only will it improve the apparent size of your dick, but it'll also show that you're the kind of man who takes care of himself. From there, it's a hop, skip, and a hump to convincing your girl you can take care of her.

The cold shower effect

Remember how we said you want to make yourself look as appealing as possible? There's two types of guys in the world: guys who look better hard than flaccid, and liars.

This is for many reasons--the sexual implication of seeing an organ that's ready to go, for one--but the most obvious is the size improvement once you've got blood rushing to your groin.

And besides jerking off, you can take other steps to maximize yourself, no matter what you're working with.

If you feel like your penis looks smaller when you're cold, you're not dreaming: there's actually science to back you up. Turns out, when your body gets cold, your blood vessels constrict to retain heat. This makes your dick shrink by as much as 50%.

It's also why your boner goes away in a cold shower, and why outdoor sex in cold weather is so challenging.

Make sure your little buddy is nice and toasty warm so that he can look his best.

There are other options, too, if you really feel like you need some extra help in that department. From stretching exercises to plastic surgery, there are plenty of resources to help guys just like you achieve the measurements you've dreamed of.

The bottom line: even movie stars get made over before going on camera. Do the same for your dick.

Jumping the gun

Whether you're a chronic two-pump chump or you're the one guy on Earth who can honestly say "This has never happened to me before," you know that the fastest way to disappoint in bed is nutting too soon.

Believe it or not, premature ejaculation is still a risk while sexting. As you're getting yourself hard to make your photo look as fantastic as possible, it's all too easy to get excited and skip to the ending.

But this isn't high school, where you read the last three pages and pretend you've read the whole book. If you're exchanging photos, there's no way to hide a post-orgasmic dick.

And if your sexting buddy is just getting warmed up, you don't want to send her a picture that tells her that you've already clocked out.

Sexting often moves at a different pace than IRL sex, so don't be surprised if your girl finishes faster or slower than you're used to. But the goal is the same whether your sex is virtual or physical: you want to come after her. Like your mom used to say: ladies first.

One weird tip to avoid coming too early is to pull your ballsack down gently. It sounds strange, but pulling your nuts away from your body can give you those extra few minutes you need to make the magic happen.

If your train does end up leaving the station early, it's not necessarily the end of sending pics. The trick is to focus on other parts of your body, so think about what parts of you (other than your brave little soldier) your lady friend might want to see.

Don't be afraid to think outside the box to get your girl horny and craving your special loving.

Kylie is online and wants to sext.