Let's face it: sexting is hard.
You're trying to get horny while also texting your partner a compelling narrative about the great sex you could be having.
So what asshole decided to add hieroglyphs to the mix?
With emojis, you practically have to be a rocket scientist to decode and transmit messages in this strange new language.
Nevertheless, people are using emojis for sexting constantly these days, and if you want to keep up with the cool kids, your emoji game has got to be on point.
Learning to use sexy emojis can actually be super helpful, especially for those of you who are visual learners. Rather than trying to find the right word for the moment (is "penis" too clinical? Is "cock" too vulgar?), you can always fall back on an easy visual association.
It's a bit like a rebus, those puzzles you played with in elementary school where a word is replaced with an image or pictogram.
If you're still worried that you don't have what it takes to keep up with emoji sexting, don't worry. We've got you covered with the seven critical mistakes that all newbies make when they're trying to mix sexting and emojis.
Learn to avoid these mistakes and set yourself ahead of the curve.
Emoji spam paragraphs might be fun as memes, but they're hard to read if they have any actual content in the word block.
Even if you aren't using enough emojis to make the text unreadable, consider whether the text is actually necessary or whether you can communicate the sentiment in just emojis.
🍆🍑 is a complete sentence. No need to throw in unnecessary words. And if you really do need words, consider whether the emoji is actually helping.
The rule of thumb: each text should have only emojis or only text, not both.
Some emojis are classic enough that there's no need to worry whether they'll be understood. If your partner can't figure out what 👉👌 means, you have bigger problems when it comes to sexting (for example, are you dating a nun?).
But others can be interpreted in multiple ways. Some people insist that 🍒 refers to boobs, while others use it to mean balls.
Is the peach a butt or a vulva? Is 💦 water, sweat, or...another bodily fluid?
Try to make your emojis as clear as possible. Nothing takes you out of the mood faster than having to ask for a translation mid-sext.
There are all kind of hand symbols that are perfect for sexting, no matter what your preferred angle is.
But just like with real fingering, the same motion repeated ad nauseum gets old really fast.
Rather than spamming 👉👉👉👉👉, try mixing it up like 👉👆👉🤞👆👉. You can even try throwing in some more creative ones, like 🤘 or even ✊
I've seen too many people recommend ✂ as a sexy emoji. I don't know what kind of sex lives these people have, but I'm pretty sure no one has ever been turned on by a pair of scissors. Ever.
When I think of scissors in association with genitals, the only thing I can think of is this Yahoo Answers user whose question is an instant and permanent boner-killer (click the link at your own risk).
Some people say it looks like legs, but that's just nonsense to me. There are so many better emojis, you don't need to associate a pair of sharp objects with your sensitive parts.
And for those of you who are thinking, "but what about lesbians?" I'm gonna stop you right there. I have known a lot of women who have had sex with women, and not one of them has ever referred to scissoring without bursting out laughing.
As prevalent as it might be in porn marketed toward hetero men, it's not really a thing. Sorry to burst your bubble.
In doing research for this article (yes, there is actual research to be done on the topic of sexting emojis),
I saw someone (who shall go nameless) recommend the sushi emoji (🍣) to refer to vaginas.
This is upsetting in the same way the Hot Mexican Hooker cocktail is. Like, exactly the same way.
If you are the owner of the vagina in question, it probably won't occur to you to use this emoji, because no one wants to think of their own junk smelling like fish.
So, assuming that you're thinking of using the sushi to refer to your partner's vulva, I have a pro tip just for you. Ready?
Pro tip: When you're hoping to have sex with someone, DON'T INSULT THEIR BODY.
Especially don't insult a part of their body that almost everyone has some insecurities about.
If you still think it's a good idea to tell your partner that their vagina smells like fish, don't be surprised if they start using a new emoji for your private parts in return.
I'm a big fan of 🦐, personally. Or, when dealing with someone who's really not getting the message, 🥀.
Just because your sexting is motivated by your downstairs brain doesn't mean that your upstairs brain has nothing to contribute.
Get clever with your emoji usage--maybe swap out a peach for a 🐴. Yes, it's technically a horse, but who's to say it isn't a donkey? Or perhaps a 🌕 would suit your needs a bit better?
The trick here is not that the emojis look like what they're meant to represent; for the message to be understood, your partner has to think about the words, not just pictures.
This trick takes a bit more thought, but it pays off--you'll absolutely come across as an expert in the field of sexting emojis.
Sexters all around the world cringe at the oldest sexting mistake in the book: sending a naughty message to someone you aren't getting naked with.
No one wants their parents, coworkers, or platonic friends to see the type of texts that are so dirty that they can't ever be allowed to see the light of day.
But don't think you're off the hook because you've double-checked that you're sending your sext to the right person. You still need to think about whether this person is the right candidate for sexy emojis.
Unfortunately, even though emojis are adorable and hilarious, not everyone likes them. In fact, because they're so cutesy, some people think it's weird to mix childish pictograms with adult messages.
If you aren't sure whether your sexting buddy is into emojis, try out just one during a low-stakes conversation. You don't want to shut down a red-hot sexting sesh because your partner is too busy laughing to continue talking dirty.
It's a sad truth about the world: one person's clever sexting emoji is another person's instant boner-killer.